


Hearts of Kyber

by LoopingTheLoop



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: Angry as always Kylo Ren, Concerned Chewie, F/M, How Kylo's saber came to be, How Rey gets her saber, Lightsaber and kyber crystal nonsense, Lots and lots of lightsaber stuff, Purposeful Rey, SPOILERS for TLJ, Slow Burn, allegory gallore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-17 09:32:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13074063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoopingTheLoop/pseuds/LoopingTheLoop
Summary: The Gathering of one's kyber crystal is the most important rite of passage in a young Jedi's life. Rey seeks out this milestone the only way that she can.Alone.Things don't go as planned.~Or: Rey's got an itch to make a lightsaber of her own.  Kylo Ren decides to be a butt and try to kill her.Whoopie~





	1. into the frozen unknown

"I know full well it's going to be cold, Chewie. That doesn't mean I can't go out on my own, you big furry worry wart."

Nary could Rey think of a time where she'd ever had to put so many layers on at once. This planet was cold. The winds outside were already biting at the Falcon, chilling the whole ship so that Chewie'd had to keep a pair of rickety old radiators on practically non-stop. That cold out there on Ilum had been the Wookiee's main reason for the argument that Rey not go off in search of why they were here alone.

He was adamant in suggesting to accompany her; _she_ was adamant that he didn't.

Amidst the ancient Jedi texts she had stolen, one book had called the scavenger's attention more than any of the others. Perhaps it was because the pages and pages regarding meditation and stillness of the mind simply hadn't done well to occupy her fingers that craved so desperately for something to do.

Before they'd departed from the Resistance once more, that hadn't been a problem. Repairing the Falcon for extended lightspeed travel _while in_ lightspeed had been no small task. It was tricky and careful work, but it had kept Rey's mind and hands well occupied. Then the dwindling spark of hope that their sparse group carried had found a home. A response finally to the distress signal that had been spread out to the furthest reaches of the Outer Rim. And since the time to stand and fight the First Order had taken a pause, General Organa had instead directed that they press onward to meet their new allies in secret.

A secret that now remained closely guarded. The windswept ocean planet Pta'ri 7 had reminded Rey quite a bit of Ahch-To, though the island the Resistance forces found their new alliance on was more like a lush jungle than the rocky crag where she'd learned so much. The heat of the planet was wet and sweltering amidst the spectrum of green plant life.

Rey had loved it.

Jakku had been dry, Ahch-To had been cold. This dripping heat that left the air so thick and warm there amidst the verdant foliage was so different to what she was familiar with and it was certainly so much better than being stuck in the Falcon with two dozen other people. Rey loved every minute of it.

Something she loved less was the fact all her friends but Chewie had seemed engrossed in endless meetings and the planning of what to do next was nonstop. It seemed a bit obtuse to her considering all this planning meant very little was actually getting done. The only time she'd set foot in the 'War Room' (as Poe had taken to calling it) had been when Leia sought to inform the leader of their allies that the light was with them despite her brother's disappearance. Rey had felt a bit like she was a nerf being presented to an auctioneer to assess her value.

The fact that she'd had only a bunch of dusty old tomes and a broken lightsaber to show for her aspirations hadn't inspired confidence.

In fact, General Zandeil, the leader of their newfound allies, had laughed right in her face at her talk of the Force and how to tilt the balance in their favor. He said he didn't believe in children's fairy tales. That this war would be won by what was real. By men and women ready to fight. Not a child spouting tales of magic with a broken glow stick.

It had sent Rey into such a fit of frustration, she'd ranted for at least a whole hour about it to Poe after he'd returned looking tired and drained from his own tasks training a new fleet of fighter pilots. Thinking back to it now, she would've reasoned a guess he probably hadn't paid much mind to her aside from some assorted bemusement at some very colorful language. That didn't bother her so much. He'd listened and that was enough.

Ranting had done her a fair bit of good, but there was a bitterness that hadn't left her about the whole thing. _Broken glow stick_. Even thinking about it now made her sour.

Simmering in frustration and taking no action to remedy it was a thing of the past. It had been in those tomes that Rey found her answer. With General Organa being as busy as she was...well.

Asking permission to go chasing after a lost planet to find kyber crystals wasn't exactly something Rey wanted to have to wait an eternity of discussion and debate for. According to the books, the planet wasn't going to be so hopelessly lost that she couldn't find it.

It couldn't possibly take that long.

And it was with that thought that Rey had found herself convincing a very reluctant Wookie to take her to the western reaches of the Outer Rim. The entire journey there, the only thing she'd done was eat, sleep, or meditate.

To know that there were things out there - kyber crystals - that could focus and channel the Force meant she could try to attune herself to them. It had been only two days travel before they happened upon the ice planet Ilum. And when they'd landed, Rey felt an electricity in the air that made her certain that it was the right place. Chewie had been ever cautious, insisting they spend a healthy few hours deep-scanning the surface of the planet to be sure there were no hostile life-forms to be concerned about. As it turned out, there were no signs of life to be found at all.

Unsurprisingly, the planet was exactly as barren and cold as it seemed from space.

Long sweeping glaciers met with barren snow-cloaked plains. The planet was much like a desert of its own if snow and ice took the place of sand. Rey was almost reminded of Jakku, but instead of monolithic Star Destroyers rusting in the heated suns, the crest of rigid, rocky, ice-capped peaks broke the horizon of the flat and freezing surroundings.

And the whole planet hummed with vibration. The Force was strong here. It was perhaps the first time in decades that any living beings had happened upon the planet, and the concentration of energy they brought sparked the song of the crystals that had laid dormant in the ground for so long. They were calling out. As Rey finished adjusting the furred head covering she'd commandeered to keep her warm for the journey, her attention drifted away from the here and now to something far bigger.

There was great power here, and beyond that great potential for more. The notion of it seemed overwhelming for a moment.

A chortle from the Wookiee prefaced yet another tangle of fabric being tossed at Rey as she packed away a final few supplies in the large pack she'd assembled for the excursion. The fabric was a thick grey cloak and the fabric already felt warm through the gloves she'd adorned her hands with. Three days worth of supplies was what she had in terms of sustenance, and that was the point after which Chewie would be allowed to come after her if she didn't return.

"I'll be careful. Keep up with that worrying and you'll give yourself grey fur," she pointed out with a bit of a grin. With a sweeping motion, she fastened the cloak over her shoulders. "Keep the Falcon warm for when I return."

Chewie gave a hearty, indignant huff but nodded nonetheless. Rey smiled again as the docking bay ramp dropped.

The ancient text was vague as to how involved a process finding the crystal that was meant for her would be, so she wanted to be prepared if she could be. The text was tucked safely inside her pack with Luke's broken saber, as well as the materials she thought she would need to properly assemble her lightsaber.

Her staff at her back and the pack slung over her shoulder, Rey set out from the Falcon. The moment she set foot on the planet, she could feel the intensity of that pull that had drawn her to the planet grow stronger. It was a good thing too because she had no idea how she was going to find the right cave among the icy outcroppings of rock. Trusting that sense of calling to pull her in the right direction was what she put her faith in.

Rey knew it would not lead her astray.


	2. long live the king

Kylo Ren didn't dream.

Sleep is an endless, black, empty pit. That's what he prefers. There is no pain in emptiness. In the darkness, the sins of his waking hours disappear. There were times that the endless expanse of sleep had been the only thing that made hours of his Master's tests and ruthless training bearable. The only respite from the bitter, brutal journey to realizing the power he held within himself. Dreams were things of children. Of weakness. They were distraction and diversion to the proper purpose of sleep. It was better to live without them.

That inky black respite of sleep had eluded him for some time now. Exhaustion was temporary. _Pain_ was temporary. Strength was not. Snoke had done well to teach him that.

Snoke was dead now.

Kylo Ren- Supreme Leader Kylo Ren - had his own rule to galvanize within the galaxy. 

There was too much to do. Too much to oversee. Snoke had been lazy. Ruling from the throne, pushing his pawns around like the war at hand was some grand game. Kylo would not make the same mistakes that his Master had. The time of failures and laziness was long over. A new age had begun.

There was a fleet to rebuild.

Chaos to bring to order.

Authority to impose.

Snoke had been respected. The ancient creature had commanded his empire with an iron fist and there had never been a thought to question his command among the ranks of the endless soldiers he oversaw. The same could hardly be said for Ren. He knew very well it was only fear that now kept the commanding officers in line. He knew that they whispered challenges to his rule. But what did it matter? What did they matter? They were but cogs in the great machine of war he now held dominion over. They could question, ridicule, and hate him behind his back all they liked. They were but bugs to be crushed underfoot as soon as they ceased their usefulness.

So long as they feared him, he would give them something to fear.

That fear would keep them in line. The fear would keep their distracting doubtfulness out of sight and free of his concern. There was perhaps only one person who threatened that fear, and Ren had his own plot brewing for how to handle that ginger bastard.

  
~

  
"What do you mean, _recruitment expedition!_?"

General Hux's shrill and indignant voice spilled out from a pinched and furious expression. Eyebrows laced together and mouth pressed into a thin, hard scowl. The tips of his ears had taken on a pink hue. It clashed quite a bit with the vibrant red of his hair.

There was a fleet to rebuild. That meant restructuring the chain of command. It meant putting a plan into action. It meant _setting an example._

A black table with a near mirror polish stretched several meters long, decorated along either side with the highest ranking officers that hadn't perished in the destruction of the _Supremacy_. The title of flagship was now held by the _Vitiator_ , a Resurgent-class Star Destroyer that now commanded the status of being the First Order's largest and most heavily manned vessel.

It had no shortage of troops. The rest of the fleet couldn't be spoken of in the same way.

"With Captain Phasma in critical condition, we cannot afford to wait for her recovery to begin sourcing a new battalion of troopers," composure was the sole inflection present in Kylo Ren's low timbre. His face reflected utter antithesis to the growing unease that welled in Hux. "Our most ambitious General doesn't believe he cannot live up to the task, does he?" A flicker of the satisfaction he felt was betrayed in his voice. Hardly enough for the other officers to recognize, but Hux would.

"No," the word was spat like poison from the man as he fumed. Kylo Ren raised a brow expectantly. There was a wave of discomfort among the other officers. Hux was quick to correct himself. "No, _Supreme Leader_."

The words held every drop of hate the ginger had to muster. It rolled from Ren's concern like water skidding off his cloak. His expression didn't even flicker as he swiftly shifted on to the next matter that needed attention. General Hux could fume all he liked for the remainder of the meeting. 

Not only would Hux be removed from the flagship to collect able-bodied soldiers-to-be from the Western Reaches, he'd be gone for quite some time. As effective as Snoke had deemed the man, Kylo Ren would have no tolerance for Hux's constant bickering and second-guessing and attempts to usurp his command. Removing the man from the picture while Ren brought a new regime of order was the only sensible thing to do.

And the satisfaction Kylo got out of spiting someone who had vexed him so greatly for so long? That was just an added benefit.

It was with an accomplished air of purpose that the meeting drew to a close not long after.

There was still much work to be done. Catalogs of the various systems to be filed through. Assessments to be made of which planets could afford to surrender more to the First Order. The ever-present and shameful knowledge that the Resistance was still out there, plotting, and that they needed to be crushed like every obstacle of the past that had befallen his rise to rule.

  
~

  
It was there, among charts and reports and towering stacks of documentation that Kylo Ren felt it.

A flush of anger.

Not an unfamiliar thing for him, as any number of people across the breadth of the galaxy could confirm.

But, no, this anger was not his own. It didn't roar and rage like a beast set free from a cage. It was bright and flickered like a flame dancing atop a candle.

_'How is it that in this whole blasted galaxy, we end up with the one rebel that doesn't believe in the Force?'_

The words almost had a musicality to them. Irritated and annoyed as they were. He knew the voice that spoke them. That fuzzy feeling had risen in his ears. Like all the sound and activity around him had become secondary. Like it was all underwater, save for one solitary thing.

_'The least he could do is pretend! For the sake of his own men. What can you hope for if not the help of Light in such dark times?'_

Hearing her speak. It was like a knife was between his ribs. Kylo could see her, at the far end of his chambers. Her back was nearly facing him. She had to be talking to someone. Bitterness welled with every word he heard. Hate burned through that mask of proud composure he had carried himself with from the moment he'd abandoned that blasted bunker on Crait with a cloud of failure and shame hanging over his head.

This thing that connected them was still there. Despite her having shut the door once, here it was open again. Coils of snakes writhed in Kylo's stomach. Was she taunting him? Had she done this now? To mock and ridicule him? His gloved hand gripped the pen he'd been holding so tightly it snapped in his grasp.

With a frustrated huff, she sunk into an invisible seat. He found himself frozen in his building anger as her gaze shifted in his direction. And through him. As if he weren't there at all.

The mounting storm of venomous threats and horrible words that had been brewing in his mind at the insolence of her to seek him out had vanished in an instant. He knew in that moment that she could not see him. That she was unaware to his presence. She'd closed herself off from their connection.

He hadn't.

He _couldn't._

The Force still connected them and there had to be a reason for it. If it showed her to him, it meant something. The question remained: What? Had Snoke been lying about creating this bond in the first place? It certainly wouldn't be outrageous if that were true. His old Master would lie and manipulate and twist all that he possibly could to get what he wanted from his subjects.

Regardless of everything. He and the scavenger girl were still connected. Perhaps she couldn't see him now, but that could change at a moment's notice, couldn't it?

She was laughing now. A light and effortless sound. There was a smile shining like a sun on her face. The shadow of whoever it was she was with held her attention. It sparked a twisting, wretched feeling in Kylo's stomach.

His rage bubbled like a cauldron of tar.

Her expression shifted once more. This time with a frown. She'd turned away from whoever was with her and shook her head.

' _If I thought telling Leia would be prudent, I'd have done it already, Poe. I'm going. It's something I have to do. I won't be gone for more than a week_.' Her assurance probably hadn't done what she wanted it to. _'It's not like Ilum is on the other side of the galaxy_.'

She was with the pilot. With the Resistance still. That meant she knew what hole they'd burrowed themselves in to hide. And she was going to Ilum. There was a flicker of confusion as to why anyone in the galaxy would go to that godforsaken frozen rock, but then it occurred to him.

Of course.

They'd split his grandfather's saber in two after she had refused him. The thought of her rejection was still a bitter taste in his mouth. But the broken blade...

She sought to replace it. To craft her own. _Clever girl._

An opportunity had opened up before Kylo Ren and something predatory lit behind his eyes as he watched her now. That smile had returned to her face but at the sight of it, he felt nothing.

The pilot she was with had put something in her hand and she was looking at it. ' _Not exactly the prettiest trinket I've seen_.'

Her voice had that laugh in it once more. Though Ren had not realized when exactly he'd begun to draw nearer to her, now he was but a few feet away. Still she showed no sign of knowledge to his presence. _Good_.

He was intent to take from this moment's connection for as long as it lasted, but the sound of his chamber doors sliding open snapped his attention away. Light poured into the shadowed room from the hall and a slip of red hair was outlined by it.

"If you presume simply sending me off will better your hold on this empire, you are sorrowly mist-" The General's hissing was promptly cut short by an outstretched hand.

Like a beast looking upon wounded prey, Kylo Ren shifted his gaze from Hux to where he had been watching her. Gone. Damn it. A scowl overtook the man's face. The sounds of hoarse choking was all that brought him back to the moment, and even when it did he simply enjoyed Hux's suffering for few long seconds.

"You will give the order to ready my ship and refrain from your assignment until I have returned." The words had a razor's edge to them and the look the dark haired man sent the ginger's way almost begged for a challenge to the order. The grip on the latter's throat released and he dropped to his knees. Gasping for air.

"As you command, Supreme Leader," Hux managed the words, pride too grand to allow such imputent actions to bring him low.

The door slid shut abruptly.

Re- _The scavenger_  was practically at arms reach now. The trip to Ilum would not be so long a trek to make. He would find her. She would tell him where the Resistance was hiding and he would grant her a merciful death. She'd made her choice, now he was making his.

Kylo Ren would hold sovereignty over the galaxy. After he'd extinguished the last thing that stood in his way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ chugging along here. hope you're enjoying reading half as much as i'm enjoying writing. 
> 
> comments/kudos appreciated. but you don't have to. i still love you all no matter what. 
> 
> ps. i'll never not take an opportunity to force choke Hux


	3. the shoulders of giants

 

_'It might not be pretty, but it's from home.' Poe had a crooked grin on his face, but there was sincerity in his eyes. The trinket was a hammered bit of metal with a chain connected to it. The old Rebel Alliance sigil was embossed on the tarnished material. Rey tilted her head in confusion at his words and looked between the medalion and the pilot. 'My old man liked his good luck charms. The Rebellion has always been home for me. No reason it can't be for you too.'_

 

~

 

Thinking about the Resistance, about her  _friends_ , warmed some little part of Rey. She hardly shied away from that too, because she needed all the warmth she could get. Cold was not something she thought she would ever grow accustomed to. Jakku was sweltering on the best of days. Even the nights had trapped the heat of the sun in the sweeping dunes with warmth from the ground soaking into her ramshackle home to accompany her desperate attempts at sleep.

 

Frigid, frosty air wasn't something Rey enjoyed. This planet was cold and bitter. Every step away from the Falcon and towards the glacial mountain peaks was like a hammer to the nail of that fact. There was one single solitary thing she found to be redeeming of this harsh frozen landscape. 

 

It was beautiful. 

 

The light of the sun caught the snow and created a near blinding shimmer across the expansive horizon. Relishing a momentary glimpse backward was all she allowed herself to behold the glittering spectacle. Ahead was where her objective remained. 

 

The tall black rock of the mountain that erupted from the ground ahead of her was like some giant beast. Some giant beast lain dormant with a dusting of snow and ice to blanket it while it slumbered. With the wind whipping through its heightened peaks, it was almost as if the dozing giant's breath filled each dip and valley of the rocky outcroppings.  

 

But the wind is not the only sound. 

 

A song hung in the air. Distant and faint at first, and steadily growing ever stronger as she neared the base of the mountain. It was hard to realize initially, but soon enough it mingled with that electric pull she felt drawing her ever closer to the mountain. Somewhere among that sparkling ice and black rock hid the cavern that held what she'd come to this planet for. 

 

Hidden it truly was. It took half her daylight to be able to scale the first quarter of the mountain. Rey knew the challenge of locating the cave would only grow that much more difficult when night eventually fell upon the frosted mountain. Her determination to chase down this calling that beckoned her so intensely drove her when she lost the feeling in her fingertips and her toes went numb. When it felt as though ice itself had started flowing through her veins. When her joints protested against anymore climbing and her ears popped against the elevation as she pressed on higher and higher. 

 

Throughout all of the hardship of the journey, Rey thought back to what she'd read in the Jedi's ancient texts. Of how Kyber crystals resonated with not only Force-sensitive beings but all life forms in general. How it sang for those strong with the Force and how the brightest stars in the galaxy burned with cores of Kyber. Heat and energy and life were what the crystals responded to with strength. The capacity for power which they contained was immense. That mattered less to Rey than the other absolute she'd learned about the crystals.

 

Every Jedi that ever lived had made the journey she was making. Perhaps not in the same way, but the ritual of the Gathering was integral to the indoctrination into the Jedi Order. Rey thought she stood less on the outcroppings of some ancient, long dormant volcanic rock and more on the shoulders of every Jedi Master that had lived and died before her time. 

 

To be a part of something greater than one's self was new. Even now that she was the only one who carried the torch of the last vestiges of the Jedi Order, she was not alone in the Force. It was there, and her predecessors there with it. It had lived beyond them, and somehow she would find a way to ensure it lived beyond her. 

 

~

 

With an unceremonious grunt, Rey pulled herself up and over a ledge of slick icy rock. It was then that she saw it. Just over the ridge ahead of her, longer than the Falcon was wide.

 

A great crystalline waterfall, frozen in time. Cascading in immobile waves over the dark rocky cliff face in a magnificent curtain of sparkling frozen light. The sun had not gone down yet, but it was a very near thing. The light that remained in the sky seemed drawn magnetically to the sweeping, grand spectacle. It was easily the most beautiful thing Rey had ever set her eyes on. She was almost tempted to take off her goggles to view it unobstructed, but the biting wind reminded her that such an idea wouldn't be prudent. 

 

Beyond the light trapped within the confines of the long-frozen water, Rey sensed something else. Behind the icy barrier. The low hum of reverberation in her ears had grown so strong, it was all she could notice or hear or think about or understand for several long moments. When the initial overwhelming intensity of the feeling passed, Rey found her second breath of energy to push onward through to the last obstacle. 

 

And what an obstacle it was. 

 

The sun was dropping below the horizon now. Long shadows streaked across the ice, snow, and rock. If the temperature had been chilling before, now it was absolutely freezing. Far more daunting was the barrier of ice now that the light had left it. It wasn't quite clear, and it wasn't quite opaque. As Rey stood at the bottom of it, she felt the call of the cave behind the ice more than she could see the dark opening that would lead her to it. 

 

The googles and kerchief were pulled away from her face and she marveled. The awe could only last for so long before she set to a more careful examination. There was no visible fracture or gap in the crested skirtings of ice. With her staff in hand, Rey tapped at various points in the frozen wall. Listening for the hollow sound that would tell her where the opening hid. 

 

_Tink..._

_Tink..._

_Tink......_

_Thunk_.

 

A flicker of warmth brightened her face in the form of a smile. 

 

Back into place her goggles went to shield her eyes. The steady sound of the end of her staff colliding with the ice rang in the air. Again and again, she threw her strength behind her long trusted weapon of choice. The effort brought warmth and feeling back into her hands but with it, soreness soon appeared as well. There was no way to know how thick the sheet of ice was until she broke through it. Rey had lost count on how many times she'd struck her staff against the impassive ice, but when she finally stopped to catch her breath it looked as though she'd made no progress on it at all.

 

Every breath left her and crystallized in the air. Puffs of white caught only in the light of the two moons that were steadily rising behind her. Her dissatisfaction with the progress she'd made was potent and it took staring into the tiny dent she'd made for several minutes for an idea to come to her. 

 

The Gathering was meant to be a trial. This wasn't supposed to be easy. This was surely an obstacle young Jedi before her had overcome themselves. It was one she would overcome as well. Rey held herself just a bit more upright as she stood with that thought in her mind. The strap of her staff slipped back over her shoulder and something compelled her to tug the thick leather glove from her right hand. 

 

When her fingertips made contact with the ice the sharp sting of cold was not what she was met with. Initial surprise set aside, Rey closed her eyes. 

 

This place had not always been lifeless and frozen. These waters once ran clear and bright. Fed rivers and streams that spread from the mountain and brought life and energy to the entirety of the planet. Vivid verdant fields and lush forests. Flowers and birds of every shade imaginable. The song of balance rang loud and true. It was a sacred tune. Delicate and powerful all at once.

 

Though Rey could see only the shape of what had once been a wonderful place, she felt its energy wholly within her. 

 

And then, like the strike of a wicked hand across her face, she felt something very different.

 

Heat. Tremendous heat. Burning. Molten rock flowed in the shimmering water's stead. The air was thick with steam and smoke. Fragile creatures ran to seek shelter from the fire that fell from the sky. There was nowhere to hide from it and nothing could stop it. It was hungry and the time for it to consume had come. The scorched and burned remains of the planet were all that was left in its wake. It laid dormant now. 

 

_It wanted to feed again._

 

A sharp breath of cold air entered Rey's lungs and she took a step back from the ice. Her insides stung with smoke and the smell of it filled her nose. Gasps of breath left her now in short, desperate bursts. She swallowed thickly, heart hammering away in her chest. Soon enough, her breathing evened out. She regained that place of calm in the wake of such an intense vision.

 

_Powerful Light. Powerful Dark._

 

The words echoed in her mind. This whole frozen rock of a planet had once been a portrait of each extreme. And now? Perhaps it was neither. Or both. Rey couldn't be sure. There was one thing she could be sure of, though. Whatever awaited her in these caverns was something she needed to face.

 

And she was ready for it.

 

With a hand outstretched once more, determination burned behind her eyes. It was first a shudder. Then a creak. Then a tremendous crack.

 

And another, and another, and another. 

 

The ice crumbled before her, betraying the presence of the open maw of the cave it hid. Rey tugged her glove back on and plucked a flare from her pack.

 

The  _hiss_  and flash of the bright orange flame erupted against the darkness, and Rey ventured into it without hesitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ i feel like this is hitting its stride now. hopefully, i'm not the only person thinking that. :P
> 
> as ever, comments/kudos give me life. 
> 
> <3 thank you for the read.


	4. rebirth in darkness

 

_''Within you, I see something truly special''_

 

_The words were low and booming. An ancient creature cloaked in glimmering golden robes gazed upon a dark-haired boy that kneeled before him. The fear and uncertainty Ben Solo felt clung to his skin like the smoke of the burning temple. Like the blood of the others that had not agreed to come with him. Like the hate and anger he held in his heart for his now-dead Master. The pain of the betrayal still burned at him to his very core. The image of Skywalker with his blade held aloft wouldn't leave his mind._

_''Skywalker sought to snuff out the potential you possess. To stifle you when he realized your power would grow beyond his control. You have destroyed the threat he posed to you. Now is the time you purge yourself of the final vestige of your shackles to the Light." Snoke's voice was powerful and seemed to ring within Ben's mind endlessly._

_An outstretched ancient claw of a hand reached forth. The lightsaber at the boy's hip abandoned its place and flew through the air. Confusion allowed his eyes to look upon his new Master as he caught the blade, examining it as if it were a bit of scum he'd found at the bottom of his shoe. The icy scrutiny of his gaze spent but a moment on the saber before looking at the boy once more._

_Instantly Ben planted his gaze back on the floor for fear of his expression betraying some form of weakness. The days of weakness were over. That was what this was all about. Snoke would show him the path of strength and he would repay him with unshakable loyalty._

_"The most powerful weapons in the galaxy have often used the very same crystals that the Jedi hide their vanity in. Kybers are capable of withstanding such tremendous levels of energy and remain perfectly intact. Their value in the construction of the greatest machines of war is unparalleled." Now Snoke spoke with a softer voice. Near conversational. So much more like what Ben had heard in his dreams and visions._

_The boy said nothing but looked up to Snoke as the saber now hovered in the air between his new Master's hands. It shook and shuddered with increasing aggressiveness. The effortlessness the ancient being wore on his face as the lightsaber began to creak and groan was impressive. The way Snoke didn't so much as wince when the metal casing of the blade split open and a burst of light exploded with it was astounding, for the brightness of it had been so great Ben couldn't help but look away._

_When his eyes found the saber and his new Master once more, it was broken in two. Something stung within Ben's chest at the sight. The cobalt blue crystal that remained at one end of the fractured casing seemed to still glow with captured light in the shadowed chambers._

_"To Bleed a kyber is to cast out the limitations of the Light that bind it. To rid it of pitiful weakness, and by extension crush the weakness that ties itself to you." The shell of the broken saber fell and the crystal remained, suspended mid-air. Snoke looked at his apprentice to-be expectantly. Ben felt his insides twist with uncertainty, but he held his gaze steady and true._

_In an instant, the crystal darted to meet its owner. Instinct acted without thought, and a slender, pale hand caught the blue rock and Ben stood. It felt warm in his hand. It reminded him of home. His mother an-_

_"To be my apprentice is to abandon all those who sought to lie and betray and deceive you. To forsake the ties and bondage of your weakness and forge a future in strength and power anew." Snoke drew a low, slow breath in. His voice dropped. "Let your hate and rage fill you, boy. Let the fire that smolders within your soul burn away the fallacies and fabrications that do nothing but hold you back."_

_Ben felt as though every breath did nothing to bring oxygen to his lungs. Each one came and left him with a sharp quickness that threatened to make his head spin. His eyes were locked on the blue gem in his hand. The way it seemed alight of its own accord against the darkness of Snoke's chambers betrayed the possibility that it was something that could hold life all its own. In a single brief instance, Ben felt uncertainty tear at his mind._

_A scowl overcame Snoke's wretched face._

_"Fear not, my boy. You are young and foolish. I shall help you take this final step." The words held a gravity all their own. Snoke needed not raise his hand. He simply flexed his two fingers in the dark-haired boy's direction. A gentle tap was all that pathetic wall of resistance that still remained to send it crumbling._

_Or, perhaps his definition of gentle was incorrect._

_Ben's open palm curled tightly around the crystal as pain wracked his body like he had never known before. As if his blood had been replaced with acid, the burning inside him raged so furiously. Robbed of any verbal capacity he was, the intensity of his agony was so tremendous. No longer were his breaths quick and light with fear. He struggled to bring any air to his lungs at all. Heat bled through his already aching muscles. No hope of respite could be found amidst this torrent of agony. His eyelids had forced themselves shut so tightly he thought they may rip under the strain. He was locked in this vicious pain for an eternity. There was no hiding from it. It consumed him._

_Snoke watched on as the boy fell to his hands and knees, keen to be sure the crystal remained caught in Ben's grasp. He trembled and shook so violently under the weight of his own torment, Snoke wondered idly if it would kill him. What an unfortunate disappointment that would be._

_Amidst the burning darkness that had encapsulated everything Ben had come to know, he found a single light. A distant, far off light that called out to him. Transcending time and moving beyond the physical plane. It called to him for the burden of his anguish. It begged him to abandon it. The crystal glowed with a life of its own within his palm._

_Ben saw it within the furthest reaches of his mind. Like a glowing bright light, extending its hand out to him. Offering to take the burden of the pain away._

_With a heated, tortured roar, Ben cast each and every bit of strength he had into banishing that inhuman pain from his mind and body. It needed a place to go, and the extended hand within his mind was where he sent it. Endlessly he poured the suffering into it. The more he rid from himself, the more it took from him. On and on and on and on he pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed until he was sure he had nothing left in him to cast out._

_The bright blue glow of the kyber within his palm began to flicker into something else entirely. Within his grasp, it shuddered and bucked and shook and trembled under the weight of the agony that was being cast into it. The color of it began to grow muddled. Swirling and writhing like coils of snakes in a pit. Darkness overtook the crystal, consuming each and every last drop of color. And from that darkness burst a brilliance of blood red. Its ominous glow seeped from between Ben's fingers and burned at his skin but still, he held on._

_Snoke found himself drawn intently to the spectacle. He had never witnessed such a pure corruption before. A smile overtook his warped features and he was for a moment impressed with this wretched mess of a boy. The Bleeding had been a success. Deliberate, steady clapping of his hands together filled the vast chamber. "Good...good..." There was more he had to say, but Ben proved impassive to his words._

_The battle within his mind raged on._

_The pain was gone but the rage remained. More and more of it rose to replace every bit that he sought to expel from himself. Visions of his parents. His mother, far too busy to care for her son, instead ever concerned with the needs of others. His father, unwilling and uncomfortable with the prospect of ever raising a child of his own. Each as willing to abandon him as either could be when Luke Skywalker sought to claim him for his tutelage. And as soon as the Jedi Master had sensed the darkness Ben had never hoped to know he held within himself? The light of that green blade held overhead burned with a pain far greater than anything._

_It flowed from the boy like coagulating blood, into the corrupted kyber. Gone. He wanted it all gone. He needed it all gone. The weight of it was far too grand. It would crush him the moment he stopped trying to rid it of himself._

_The scarlet crystal was now bucking and trembling within his grasp once more. There was only so much it could take. It sparked and burned white hot within his hand, but his grip on it remained steadfast. He would vent out his rage until there was nothing left of him but emptiness and the peace that came with it. Until finally..._

_**...CRACK** _

__

_The sound broke the silence of the chamber and with it the connection to Ben's mind was severed. Gone was the living thing that had glowed so warmly in his palm. Now, something entirely different remained. Amidst his scorched skin, Ben looked at the crystal. A beautiful blood red, and driven right through the center, a fracture._

_"Incredible..." Slipped from Snoke's lips. He abandoned his throne and approached the boy that laid himself prostrate in the wake of such intense, raw power. "To channel such force through the Dark Side as to crack a kyber... You, my boy, are meant for your legacy indeed. Greatness awaits you, my apprentice. Rise now, embrace the death of what you once were."_

 

_"Rise now, Kylo Ren."_

_~_

The vastness of space provided a blank canvas for wandering thoughts. Kylo Ren occupied his shuttle alone, having banished any of his men from accompanying this journey. The planet Ilum was distant and long forgotten, hiding within the reaches of the Outer Rim, but that didn't mean he couldn't get there. And get there quickly. 

 

Ensnaring the scavenger and taking what he needed from her would be far easier if he were to get to the planet before she did. The issue in that was that he knew not what point in the galaxy it was that she'd ventured out from. Hyperspace travel would do him all the favors it could, but he prepared himself for the eventuality to occur that he would be arriving second place to her in this race.

 

All the while, he kept a close guard over his mind to preserve the fact that she didn't yet know there was a race between them. She would regret her refusal of him. He would take from her what he wanted. And then he would crush the Resistance like an insect underfoot with her right alongside them. It would win him the respect of his subordinates and they would be all the quicker to fall into line. His reign would come easily then.

 

A new Order would hold dominion over the galaxy. It would be what he needed to fill that hollowness the pain he had purged himself of had left so long ago.

 

The elongated lines the stars streaked across the viewport of his command shuttle froze in an instant. The dark blanket of the galaxy pinpricked with lights from those same stars laid out before his ship. That was what hung far, far away. What loomed before him was the blue and white and black marble of a planet. 

 

Ilum had not changed in the many years it had been since Skywalker brought him and a dozen other apprentices. Kylo suspected bitterly that it was likely to never change from being a horrible, stupid, frozen rock. 

 

Like a dark shadow, his craft sliced through the atmosphere and sure enough, distant from the ancient dormant mountain, a ship was settled amongst the snow that put a sneer on his face. The urge to blow it up welled in him like an angry beast. He didn't. It was hardly prudent to alert his presence when he very easily still held an opportunity within his grasp. 

 

The pull from the cavern rang out to him as strongly now as it had so many years ago. He could feel  _her_  as well. Like a glimmer against the night that had fallen across the planet.

 

He had not forgotten the grand entrance to the cavern, or how the ice had spoken to him. Had shown him the shadows of a past that the whole of his family sought to keep from him. None of that mattered now. It was ash and dust in the wind. He had come here with a goal and he would be sure to see it through.

 

The glimpse of the thickened, long healed scar knotted at his palm as he pulled his gloves on spurred his resolve. 

 

The frigid cold of Ilum was waiting. And so was  _she._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~oh, my. what a wild ride this is turning into.
> 
> for those of you that have stuck with it this far, fear not, shit's going to pick up in a big way next chapter. foreplay is over. get ready for a fight.
> 
> also- i totally don't know if there's some sort of canonically established insight on the cracked kyber for Kylo's unstable blade. i've seen people theorize that it's Vader's but i don't like that so i did this instead.
> 
> i feel like its more symbolic. and stuff.
> 
> or maybe not? who knows. hope you don't hate it~
> 
> eternally dying for feedback as long as it doesn't make me cry. i'm responding to all comments now because momma didn't raise no bitch.
> 
> ~<3 Thank you for reading

**Author's Note:**

> ~ Please don't hate me for any lore inaccuracies. A gal can only spend so much time on Wookiepedia. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. <3


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